Rat Kiley

I am the medicine to the cry for help

I wonder why I am so distracted

I hear the sound of pain

I see blood in you

I want to dissapear from this

I am the medicine to the cry for help

I pretend not to understand

I feel the flames inside me

I touch to see

I worry if I will survive

I cry to feel better

I am the medicine to the cry for help

I understand this would change me

I say morphene & candy are the best

I dream that I am awake

I try to stay awake

I try to stay alive

I hope to be awakened

I am the medicine to the cry for help

I AM

I Am

I am the wish you been wanting

I wonder if I am the one you want

I hear you wisper and your beating heart

I see you standing but yet i am far

I want to get closer to your wanting dream

I am the wish you been wanting

I pretend to be different

I feel the sun's rays burning me

I touch to see what is realy happening

I worry that watever is said is realy true

I cry to show a shatterd non-beating heart

I am the wish you been wanting

I understand that anything forgotten canot be resurrected

I say in order to get closer we must fall behind

I dream to be your reason to wake up

I try to sleep with out closing my eyes

I hope it's a dream waiting to be woken up

I am the wish you been wanting

THe TriP

It was 1991 the first days of spring , in Michoacan ciudad De Hidalgo, where I Juan Miguel Contreras first decided to come to the United States illegally. Knowing that no jobs, no money, and just the fact that I know that if I stay in Mexico there will be no future for me and my family. In other to leave and to start my journey I first had to get the money to pay for a coyote. The amount of money needed to pay was $2500, and so I pay the coyote who told me that they will be leaving the next day. Before leaving I said goodbye to my wife and child. Emotionally, I walk away thinking the next time I see my wife and children I will hug them, kiss them, and say, “ I wont never leave you guys again.”
The coyote said that there will be 13 people more that will come on the journey. The next thing I was told to do was get inside a white van. Getting on the van I noticed that there where not only 13 people that the coyote said, there was about 25 people. There was hardly enough room for anybody else to get in, mostly all of them where sitting down or just making room for each other. Before the trip began I prayed that everything will go right and that I will arrived to the U.S. safely. Only 15 minutes had passed and my feet became numb. An hour or so suddenly the coyote yelled “Miren actuen que van a ir a trabajar, porque la Armada los van a parar.” I became nervous and scared I will be arrested. Once we got stop the coyote said that we where plantation workers going to work. The soldier believe him, and so they let us go and so we where still on our way. The van took me and the rest of the people to the city of Leon, where we all ate and had only a couple of minutes to move ourselves and to stretch.
Back on the van we where then taken to Zacatecas, where everyone got of and were told that the rest of the journey will be on foot. From Zacatecas to Hermosio was a long way and will require us to walk on dirt, grass, the hot weather, and “campos” of nothing but mountains and hills. Only a couple of hours walking we where suddenly approach by people who look like police man but were not. They where thief’s with guns and they told us that if we wanted to live we had to give them all of or money and valuable possessions or else they killed us. So we did as they told us and so they let us go. What the robbers did not know was that we did not actually gave them all of our money. Before walking on foot the coyote asked for half of our money which he will keep until they got to Hermosio. He was smart and told us it will be a 50/50 chance they will be thief’s out there. At the end none of us where worried we all had money and we fooled those robbers. As night came upon us we had to sleep in the leaves and we made beds from what was there on the ground. That night I met this girl named Lupe Casarez. Me and her talk and shared our story of why we decided to come to the U.S. She came just like everyone else looking for a better life. From there on we became good friends. As day approach and we where waken up by a coyote. The hot sunny day made it more difficult, we had to walk while the sun rays where the hottest of all with few water. As we continue there where a few people who could not keep going. Three of them where left behind. I felt sorry for them. I could not imagine myself in that situation. There where times where I wanted to give up but in my mind I keep on going.
When approaching Hermosio the coyote told us that there will be another person leading us the rest of the way. The guy who was also a coyote who’s name was Roberto led the way. He had two friends who each had a van where we all where taken on. Once a couple of miles more we stopped the men with the vans left and again we continue on foot. It was still day time and we were told we had to wait until it was pitch black. From the small hill where we were still at we could see the border. It still was far away but we could of see it with the coyotes telescopio. When it was finally dark the coyote said “Este es el tiempo que an esperado dodos ustedes, de al que lado es una vida muy marabiyosa. LISTOS? ” When he said that my heart started pounding beating fast, faster than ever before. I was scared I somehow I just started to cry, thinking about my family and all the things I left back and all the memories and the fact that it will be along time before I whent back. As I look around a couple of more people where crying and some where even saying they did not want to go. It was time to cross and each step I took I became more and more nervous.
I still remember as if it was yesterday, There where 4 soldiers and one huge helicopter aiming a bright light. Every so often the helicopter will fly away and the soldiers could not manage to see. The coyote was ready and we where as well. He told us at the count of three we will run, run as fast as we could without looking back and that each one of us where on our own. “One, Two, …. Three!” he yelled. We all ran and I ran as fast as I could having one glimpse to see what was happening. The soldiers where chasing us and I still remember that two women, old man, and a young guy where captured. The only thing I was thinking was that “I am here, I am here, I made it.” All of the people who made it including me got together and said goodbye to each other before we were all on our own. I was in California.
On my way to nowhere something came upon me I cried, and cried, the more I wanted to stop the more I keep on crying. Was it joy, sadness I really don’t know. That night I walk and walk until I got tired enough where I found a spot where I can go to sleep. When I woke up I whent to my first place to buy food thanks to the 10 dollars that the coyote gave us before we cross. As I am eating my food I guy named Jose came to where I was seating and talk to me. He knew I had just barely came and he said he knew this guy who had a job for him and he was wondering if I will like to work. I quickly respond yes, I was very lucky that day I had no more money, and no place to stay. The best part was that gave us a room where we can stayed. I work as a orange picker in this gringo’s farm. During my stayed there I got contact with my uncle who was living in Chicago. After six months of working I save enough money to go to Chicago and be with my uncle. One early morning before anyone could wake up I left. I took a bus where I got drop at Western Ave. and 55th street. With only and address and no clue where to go I started walking. Asking people I see if they can help me. It took me practically the whole day and soon enough I found the house. I remember knocking and my uncle opening the door saying “Mijo” the only thing I could do Is cry.
It had been almost a whole year since I left my home in Michoacan and I had not yet talk to my family in. A month later I retrieved a house phone where my wife lived and I called. I remember a women answering and her saying “quien es, quien es” And I said soy you mi amor …Juan. Years passed and I am still here today having a wonderful house, car and every so often I still talk back home. I send money, and clothes. To this day I still give thanks to god for giving me this opportunity and that some day I will go back to my family and stayed there to live the rest of my days…………